Poem #406

Wrap your heavenly wings around my physique. Compress your flesh upon mine. And (hold on). Cling to me like memories of the fallen, remind me of what a functioning heartbeat feels like,

(Be Silent). --Atlas

I’m sorry I neglected your heart.

Not allowing you to freely exchange

Who you are through the pain

I was just raising you

Doing my best with what I had

And I know that holding myself accountable

Takes time and reflecting

I’m a mother nonetheless

But raising a son alone was never my quest

I wanted a man to show you

What I thought I could handle

But life escapes those that once loved

So I became complacent and determined

At the same time

Refusing to listen to the naysayers of what I can’t do

And became blind

Your expectations of what you needed me to be

Became the reality of what I fed my hunger

Only to satisfy my guilty conscience

Yet in order to breathe, you have to live

And in order to walk, you have to move

So I became a shell

Never processing of how you would grow up to be

Rather knowing I created a man in my reflection

While rejecting your vulnerability

Layering you with only the labels that cripples our being

Yet I need you to come here

And sit

Be still in this tiring time and realize that i never meant to neglect nor reject

I just need you to look into my eyes and know

I’m sorry.